Guess who's back...

Saturday night was no laughing matter! After heading to the dreadful seemingly endless string of graduation parties that are my life (alcohol helps), I headed to South Philly again this time for another wrestling show, of the student variety.

I got down there only to discover I had left my wallet...somewhere....and that I was without money. Worse yet, I was without a debit card- my only way of obtaining money.

After a quick freakout, not to be outdone, I made a quick phone call to ask if someone had cash I could borrow. Paid back with interest the next day.

Perhaps a blessing in disguise, said person didn't return my call till I was almost back around.

Of course the graduation card! Duh. Sometimes I'm such a blonde! (No pun intended...kind of).

The show was a blast. It was graduation night, some of the students who had been training so hard over the last year got their recognition.

And Detox was back! ;)

Guess ya had to be there...

Calling Mr. Johnson

Friday night my brother Tim and I headed out to check out cars. Well technically "we" didn't head out, I just went along for the ride. The first dealer had us heading through "Shady Town" to get there, where we drove to the back and located the object of Tim's affection: a Toyota Celica.

We returned to the front of the parking lot where some tall doofy dude walked out, and Tim said, "I hope he's not coming over here!" To which I replied through gritted teeth, "I think he is!"

He asked if he could help us to which I let Tim do all the talking. We sat down, and the guy asked for some more information.

"Tim, what's your last name?"

"Johnson"

I swear to you I almost blew our cover right then and there. It took biting down extremely hard on the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing. What could I do? I couldn't walk away!

"And what's your phone number Tim?"

I figured this one he'd give a real phone number to.

"610..."

Oh good I thought he's going to give a legit phone number.

"489-1806"

I whipped my head around to look at him. That wasn't his phone number! (Little beknownst to me it was no longer the phone number of our family friend either).

The guy walks away to go check out the details of the car, and while he's gone, Tim explains to me that he doesn't want to be harassed by dealerships. So he gives a false last name, and phone number, and if they ask if he wants to take a test drive he says no. (Because they'd ask for his license).

When the guy returned we found out that the car needed $1200 worth of work, and the guy didn't know the specifics, but they also wanted $15,000.

Granted the car had leather, but it definitely would be in need of more than $1200 worth of work when you considered the cosmetic aspect.

We thanked him for his time, told him we'd be back with a certified mechanic and left.

We laughed the whole way home...

What Hurts The Most..

During the previews of Hostel 2 Sunday night, my phone started going beserk with a phone call. (Who would've thought phone on floor + dark theater + vibrate mode would = such a commotion). So I turned it off.

But I'm a serial phone checker and as soon as the movie was over I was checking my phone for missed calls, and text messages. As soon as I hit the button, I was greeted with, "Well I guess I'll leave you alone now."

That in itself pissed me off. I realize it's a CELL phone, and I realize that means you can usually reach me despite my location, but GEEZ people! I have a life too!

I later discovered that the first text message said, "Nice picture on MySpace, I knew you never wanted me."

I got home and kept my tongue in check. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

He gave me a variety of answers to which I replied, "Oh so you just forgot to take your medication this morning?"

"No I took it...I just saw the picture and your caption [the profile is blocked to people who aren't my friends] and I overreacted. I regreted it as soon as I said it, but I couldn't take it back."

"FIRST OFF, that man has been my best friend for about 2 years now. I'm entitled to have a picture with him. Secondly, my profile says I'm SINGLE!"

"But I can't see your profile!"

"And third that quote is from a song! Why were you spying on me on MySpace anyhow?"

He made up a lame excuse, I told him I couldn't talk to him when he was like this and I haven't heard from him since.

I didn't mention the fact that HE never offered me a committment, that he lives 200 miles away or the stuff I found, despite his really bad lies.

Perhaps what hurt the most was when I told him who that line of lyric really belonged to.

I shouldn't laugh...

There is a guy in my almost former Math class that looks like Trent....

Not Trent Tomlinson, not Trent Reznor, but Trent Acid. You know the crazy guy on the independent wrestling scene. Go ahead, google him.

He once told me I picked the wrong one, to which I simply laughed. I laughed the night I admitted to him he was right. I'm still laughing.

And I have to laugh every time I see this guy who could probably pass for Trent if he was just a bit taller.

But he's a nice guy-he held the door for me-much to my surprise the one night.

I guess I shouldn't laugh: Chivalry isn't dead after all.

Thrown for a loop

Sunday night I proceeded as planned with my scheduled date with this guy "R". We had planned to have him pick me up (something I never do), and we were heading to a movie and a new Hibatchi place that just opened up.

We went to see Hostel 2 which was terrible! No slasher film should ever be so psychological, and most certainly not in a bad way. The whole love scene definitely threw us for a loop.

The food was okay, having been spoiled by Bennihanna Hibatchi everything else pales in comparison. (But I will add the Hibatchi behind Dave and Busters is a close second).

And the company was positively excellent. I spoke to him last night (strategically planned of course), after such a sweet e-mail telling me he had a great time (in more words), and we're planning some thing for this weekend.

Moral of the week: Be careful with sequels, they usually suck. Perhaps waiting for DVD is the best option out there. As $4 < $9

Blame it on the alcohol

Saturday night I attempted to make my way to South Philly once again (minus the two hours of traffic, but not the construction) but this time for a wrestling show.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a huge wrestling fan. I've driven to Boston, fighting snow storms in a tiny little Cavalier, and flown to Florida for a wrestling show. Before it fell through my traveling would've included Las Vegas and California.

But Saturday South Philly was a force to be reckoned with. I drove around the parking lot several times and couldn't find a space anywhere remotely close to the building.

Unfortunately for the arena, Foreman Mills is right next to it, with no additional parking, and a very busy season going on right now.

I'm not opposed to parking further away and walking, I feared my safety, ot in some case worse yet, coming back to no car. (As in it was towed).

Driving home, I rectified the situation with myself that I just wasn't supposed to be there this month. And soon I quickly found out why.

I didn't want to go home, so I decided to pop in on my friend Josh after a quick call. When I got there, my friend informed me that my ex would be showing up.

4 a.m.

My stepfather has this rule about the "kittens" not being allowed outside without supervision. (It involves the backyard and an "adult" watching them).

At 4 a.m. this morning you should have seen me, in my pajamas, trying to capture the escapee before the mean growling animal, not yet visible became such and/or launched an attack.

Luckily I managed to catch the little stealth before he say climbed the tree or something else ridiculous that would warrant a call to the fire department...

This is so not my idea of fun at 4 a.m.

Peanuts in the long run...

I realized yesterday that I violated my number one rule of dating: if the guy isn't thoughtful enough to bring flowers on the first date then how is he going to treat you when you're in the relationship?

This is also coming from the girl who thought it was unfair to expect a man to bring flowers, and usually compensated by bringing baked goods. (My cookies...out this world, but that's another story).

Then I realized I really just don't care. I used to say well they have to have a job doing this or that, and all these other requirements. And I had lots of boyfriends.

I've learned though as I've grown and matured that the only things I really need are someone to care (and that can be shown in a variety of ways), and someone to stick it out with me. For right now, the rest is peanuts in the long run.

I've gotta run I forgot to wish someone a happy birthday...

Chase Utley Fan

Everyone who knows about my date keeps asking me, "So how did it go?"

A natural question when people first find out that you're back in the dating game. And the only answer I have for all of you is, "I don't know...we'll see if he calls?"

For the record, I'm not a Phillies fan, I'm a Chase Utley fan so when I met Dave (it's too difficult to change names at this point as I'll end up calling him the wrong name-don't laugh, I've done it), at the Citizens Bank Park for a Phillies game, I surprised myself.

With rush-hour traffic it took me over 2 hours for what would have been a 30 minute drive. I can only imagine what would've happened had I stayed on 76. Thankfully he was commutting from his job in DE and he only ended up waiting for me for about 15 minutes.

The Phillies won, I think. The most I saw of the game was Chase (I'm a huge fan) hit a home run. He has quite the screaming fan club. ;) The rest of the game was a blur to me as I spent most of it talking.

I noticed that I felt comfortable enough to keep touching him, lightly to say hey blah blah blah this and blah blah blah that.

The thing is he makes me SEEM quiet, though I really yaked my head off.

After the game, we walked out together where he offered to walk to me my car. I (without thinking) declined. There were all these people, I was parked at the Wachovia Center and we were in totally different directions. Plus the whole BJJ thing would leave any opponent at a severe disadvantage.

We're standing outside of the arena in the middle of the rain, and he hugs me. Not what I expected. There's people filling out around us, and then he asks if I want to go out again sometime. My head spins and my insides are shouting ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OF COURSE!!!.

There was a look and we went our seperate ways...

Then I couldn't find my car. ;) And when I did eventually find it, it took me 2 hours to get home

Standing Outside the Fire

A conversation today, following an article I mistakenly read really got to me today and I want to talk about it.

How many people do you know (or have known) that are involved with someone YOU wouldn't pick for them?

How do you react? Do you make the best of it? Try to change their mind? I (guilty as are most) have found that even though I positively hate when someone tries to tell me what to do (what can I say? I'm a non-conformist by nature), that I always try and instill my knowledge on other people.

Women are especially guilty of this, on both aspects. For one thing, we're told that our boyfriend or our husband should be our "best friend". (A big crock and I'll explain why in a moment). That if we confide in anyone else, we're committing emotional infidelity, and thus setting ourselves up for affairs.

Granted, this may be true when we choose to purposely go over our significant other's head and talk to someone else without considering their feelings, impact etc. on our situation.

It's also important to understand that men are natural problem solvers. We are all learning how to communicate with one another, and knowing we won't be ridiculed, or worse left behind. But it's also important to understand that no one person can give us everything we need. It's why I personally like to consult several people on a decision, take their opinion into consideration, and ultimately decide what's right for me. They may not like my decision, but the people who love me always stand behind me.

The second thing we women do, a less serious offense is offering advice where it's not wanted. Think about it, in a world where knowledge is power how many times do we offer unwarranted advice to a pregnant woman? or to someone going through a divorce? Yes, support is empowering. But sometimes it's also unwanted. (As in we should focus on the way someone else wants and needs to be supported, rather than being rigid).

All that being said, let's talk about what got my goat today. I read an article on marriage. I'm in my early twenties (22 to be exact), and my biological clock is ticking. Some women may be able to say "Well I never had a timeline for my life," but I'm of the Carpe Diem generation! Yes we want it all, and we want it right now. And sometimes that infringes negatively on other people's lives.

I personally choose to live everyday as if it's my last. And finding a partner is a very real part of that. As I've grown up, I've realized that while I don't particularly want to be a single parent, I don't need a man to support me etc. I can get what I need from a variety of sources. I've learned that I don't necessarily have to get married if I'm with the right person.

As Donald Trump said, "When you have marriage right it's the most wonderful thing in the world, but when you have it wrong it's sheer misery."

I am in no way condoning that anyone should rush into a marriage, nor should everyone have to married by the time they're 25. But for me, I don't expect my "ideal partner" to fall into my lap. I set goals for myself, flexible timelines that get adjusted accordingly. And no one should fault me for that.

I look at it this way, as long as I can look back on my life and say "YES! I'm satisfied with that then I've done my job.

There is a probability of everything. There's a probability of whether you will get hit by lightening (it's what the "odds of getting hit by lightening" come from), there's the probability of whether you will be in a car accident within your lifetime, and marriage is no exception.

Mark Twain once said, "We should be careful to only get out of an experience, the wisdom that's in it." For those who are suffering through a painful divorce my deepest sympathies! But there is a positive side to everything (what can you do now that you couldn't before? You may meet the RIGHT person, you learn from your mistakes, and best of all it makes you who you are.)

We CANNOT GUARANTEE ANYTHING!

If marriage is not for you then that's perfectly okay, I'm sure you'll find someone who is on the same timeline as you. But don't put me down for wanting to try, to not play on the safe side, to stand outside the fire.

In the words of Garth Brooks:

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire


And I leave you with this closing...I've always been taught that if you have to justify it, it just isn't right.

You can't fence time...

My family has had this ritual for years that they like to call "family picnics". (A reunion is a totally different story to my family, and takes much explanation so I'll save it for another time).

Ever since I was a kid, we always met at someone's house (through the years it has changed), and spent literally the whole day their. Of course everyone brought a mountain of food, they always throw horseshoes and play volleyball. Other than that, they all just sit around and talk for HOURS.

When I was a kid it was a blast, I got to go swimming, and play with the other kids (often finding ourselves in loads of trouble). Now that I'm older I definitely go for the free food, and slowly edge my way out of it. I can't see the point in just sitting there bullshitting with people I don't even like. Well most of them.

Yesterday I had one such party to go to. After dragging my lazy ass out of bed at a halfway decent time, reading e-mails and getting some breakfast I ran around to do my morning errands. I had to return some clothes to Kohls, and get my eyebrows waxed (where I sat for over an hour mind you).

When I finally made it home (I didn't dare stop to get gas for fear that my grandfather would leave it without me), I breathlessly asked what tune we were leaving.

Long story short, my grandfather wasn't feeling up to going, and everyone else in my family was working. So I went alone.

Had it been a bit of a cooler day the cherry on the top would've been being able to saddle up and ride again. It's been so long and I really miss it. Despite talk of moving out of state, I think I'm going to continue saving my money and buy a horse. But first I need to build a fence...

I'll keep you posted as to how that goes!

Par for the course (Aka the really stupid things we do)

I sincerely hope orange juice is good for the hair. Maybe it it'll hold my color longer and make it more vibrant. Shiny.

I was sitting at the table last night reading....something (most certainly not the newest issue of Cosmo I forgot I had), when I picked up the orange juice (top facing away from me) and shook it.

I didn't realize that the top was off till orange juice went a flying and I ended up with it in my hair...

It's just par for the course I guess....

How do I get there from here...

Watching Sopranos is one of my favorite pastimes. Perhaps it's because I generally have little to no time available to watch tv. Perhaps it's just a great drama.

J first introduced to me Sopranos, and I'm now almost into the fourth season. The last episode I caught Meadow was crying over this guy (a guy she happened to grow up with), whom she caught cheating on her.

"Girl are so stupid," was the first comment out of my mouth. Somehow we manage to always blame ourself for essentially "not being able to control" another person's actions.

I'm sure given the lack of posts, describing the great amounts of time we spent together, you guys are aware that KB and I are no longer. I didn't intend to keep the information from you guys, but there was no real good introduction into it. And of course I was a bit angry for a while.

It all went down when I had a funeral, of none other than Rob Massaroni, to go to. I'm normally not an emotional person in public, by nature, and I highly suprised myself by openly expressing my grief. And while I was sitting there, all I had wished was that I had KB there to be with me.

When I mentioned it to him later, his response was "Well I think I had been asked to do too many errands, and if you had asked me I wouldn't have been able to go."

Of course I was upset. Of course I was angry. I wanted him to say something like I would've said, "Yeah baby I'm really sorry, I wish I could've been there. Are you ok?" I'm also the type of person who would drop anything if someone needed me, and I tend to hold a significant other in the same regard.

Naturally I stepped back from the situation as he came off as an insensitive jerk. Many discussions with my friends revealed that in the past 2 years my life had been a whirlwind with little down time (ie. no man in my life). And I still had unresolved feelings for people who were no longer a part of my life.

I explained to KB that I was going away for the weekend to clear my head, but since we had tickets to a concert on Sunday. He told me not to worry about it, to put myself first, because "a concert was minor in the grand scheme of things."

We all know how the trip went. And perhaps I set myself up for disappointment. Perhaps I hold my standards too high that when I need to lean on someone, they will infinitely be there to catch me. Perhaps J spoiled me, no matter how much he lacked in other areas, he was always there for me.

I got into Philly (there was no way I would've made it home on the three hours of sleep) around 11 p.m. It seemed to take longer to get home than to get there. Which was a positively ridiculous amount of time.

I texted KB to find out what time we were meeting, to which he replied 4 p.m. (Guaranteed I would've been pissed had I left MA at 6 or 7 a.m.). He said no one that they wanted to see would be on till 5:20. Much like a dumbass, and being in a REALLY bad mood, I asked what time the concert would be over. Having to work Monday, getting home at 2 a.m. wasn't really ideal. So I backed out of the concert.

I found out later that I left Friday, and by Saturday he had considered himself single. I've been angry for quite a bit of time for the feeling of yes he screwed up, but life is about learning. When you truly love someone you don't just "give up".

The rest of the summer is hiatus, about taking care of me. It's about getting over old flames, and turning of the chapters so when I'm ready, I'll be available to meet someone great.

I don't know what else is on the horizons, but I'm sure we'll experience it together...

P.S. I never sent that letter, and I'm working really hard not to be passive-aggressive. I've heard that writing a letter you don't intend to send is really helpful; healing even. But I need to put it down, intend to send it or I won't do it justice.

I have heard from Dean, and he's doing well. He's really a work-in-progress (KB would call this my need to save everyone), but he's doing well.