A Family Affair

With Antares being away working on the final trip of the season (meaning we can finally hang out on a weekend when the kids are with their mom), and having to work late on my favorite holiday of the year (not to mention the one yr anniversary of Chris and I), I decided to head out to a movie with a girl I consider a friend from work.

Of course we had to talk about it in front of other people in the lunchroom, which made me feel inclined to invite her, and soon there were 10 people going.

The movie itself was good given that this is the V Saw movie, and even more so that the last few have been questionable.

The company however, could have been better. I learned more about my coworkers than I wanted to know, and what should have been an enjoyable evening turned out to be a rather stressful evening with me being unable to really be myself.

I've never been so glad to see my bed before in my life.

And as I whispered to Melissa, "If we ever decide to go out again, we're definitely not going to make it a "family affair".

Sex and Coffee

While it may be true that all's well that ends well, what is not true is that what starts off well ends well.

I had another date night with Antares. The plan was dinner, and to return a movie/rent a movie from Blockbuster.

What actually ended up happening was dinner (marinated chicken breast done on the grill, sauteed veggies, herb roasted potatoes and bread with a hershey pie for desert).

We ended up watching "Baby Mama" with Tina Fey, and the movie was okay. As things wound down though, we headed to bed.

He got a bit exasperated with me when I extended foreplay managing to finish, but leaving him kind of hanging. It's not that I didn't want to, I'd be doing my thing, and all of a sudden I'd be unable to keep my head in the game and I'd stop.

"Why did you stop?" he asked. "It starts feeling good, and then you stop."

I was at a loss for words. Really, so many things were running through my head at that moment, that I couldn't answer.

He continued to probe me.

"Is it hurting your mouth?"

I answered honestly-- "sometimes"

He didn't particularly appreciate that answer, and made it known by saying, "Well we wouldn't want you to do anything that hurts your mouth."

He had continually asked me if I was okay the entire evening, to which I had replied with the utmost confidence that I was.

As it turned out though, a little problem I had experienced earlier in the evening, something that may not even seem like a problem, was rearing it's ugly head, and affecting not only my night, but my libido as well.

I wish I could say that it ended well. I ended up crying, cuddled up next to the man whom I only identify myself with as being a mistress for him, and him being a sanity for me. We fell asleep and ended up sleeping further apart than any other. But, when I had offered to leave he told me point blank that he only wanted me to leave if I felt I'd be more comfortable, and sleep better. The truth was, I just wanted to reach out to Chris, but since that wasn't a possibility leaving would only serve to make me kick myself further. So I stayed.

I did eventually end up figuring out what had me down as well. My mother had sent me a care package with a small note telling me what was going on in PA. I've all but cut her out of my life since coming down to NC, and that has always been the right decision for me. However, when she goes and does something like this, it makes me feel guilty.

The next morning things were fine, and back to normal. After all, sex goes so well with coffee in the morning.

Playing with my new friends...

As things turned out, Antares volunteered to change my oil. While I couldn't necessarily wait for him to become available to do it (I was already 300 miles overdue thanks to the a-holes in Meineke), but we did manage to buy and replace the oil filter, and rip the door apart only to discover replacing the door handle was beyond our realm of capabilities.

After much standing around and being of absolutely no help whatsoever, and running the word "mistress" through my head 10,000 times, Antares asked me what I had planned for the rest of the day. As it turned out, I hadn't planned much of anything.

So we headed out to eat a rip-off (and not a good one) of Olive Garden called Johnny Corino's, and then rented a movie from Blockbuster. A stop at a coffee shop and much debate about whether using a public bathroom meant that you actually had to buy something (or not, as the case may be), Antares received a call from his best friend regarding his son's birthday party.

As he explained that he intended to stop by and see them later, they laid on the guilt-trip and after a brief trip to Target for a present, we were off.

I wish words were adequate to describe the surroundings and the people. First there was Jaime (pronounced Hi May not Jay Me) and his wife Megan. Jaime happens to be Antares best friend and 10 years Antares senior, not that you'd guess it seeing them together. Immediately, their 10 year old daughter Zoey was content to show me all about her computer game--it involves animals although the names of the particular animals the children collect escapes me at the moment.

Antares simply laughed and excused himself to the deck where I joined him a short while later after being introduced to Megan's brothers, Luke and the other who's name escapes me as well.

We sat on the deck talking with Megan's parents until dinner time, in which they had hamburgers, lettuce resembling a salad, potato chips, and finally to celebrate Noah's (Megan and Jaime's son) birthday, cake and presents.

When we finally left them around 8 o'clock, we headed back to Antares's house to watch the video we rented.

After a bit of hot and heavy making out on the couch, we headed over to Megan and Jaime's where we watched "Saving Sarah Silverman". No doubt, laughing at Megan quoting parts of the movie made an already awesome movie even better.

They're just so...awesome. I just want to wrap them up, take them home, and play with my new friends whenever I want.

Feels Like Waiting On A Runaway Train...

Antares and I have had our first big fight. :(

Really, it's our first fight at all.

It all started when he slept over at my apartment for the first time two nights ago. I was already nervous--I don't bring people home because 1) we're not fully furnished and 2) any ill-conceived ideas I have are certainly better played out on someone else's territory where I can leave whenever I see fit.

On top of that, having a less than welcoming roommate, and having to be extra quiet certainly didn't set a good mood--let alone provide a good night's sleep.

So the next day when he told me that he wasn't feeling particularly good, I wasn't surprised, in fact, I wasn't even skeptical...at first. I simply went into mothering mode, and offered to bring him anything he needed, and telling him to feel better when he declined.

When he then told me he still didn't feel well the following day, a night we were originally supposed to spend together, and instead told me of how he planned to first hang out with another friend and veg, and then proceeded to tell me that he instead picked up the bass from his friend and played it most of the evening instead.

I was naturally pissed! It's bad enough he didn't want to hang out with me, but it was a complete other to tell me what he did instead!

It began with a series of e-mails that went something like, "I'm sorry if I made you feel you couldn't be honest with me," and ended with a phone call that left both of us feeling short of breath, and likely at a compromise that didn't help us to understand the other.

So now I wait. I wait to see if we go forward or stop in our tracks.

Really, Really Tired

I'll be the first to admit that I don't have the greatest of coping skills. So I guess I surprised myself when I went to see Chris yesterday afternoon, and started off the visit as being so nervous as to mess up the process in as many ways as possible and get a stern, "No, it is NOT her first time here" from one of the CO's at the desk, to putting on what I call my adulterous face.

It's the face you make when you know you're doing something wrong (kids do it all the time), but you're pretending you're not. For me, this meant putting a smile on my face, and pretending to feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, love, and relief at seeing someone whom has all but become a figment of my imagination when I haven't seen him in two weeks. Prison sucks.

As he walked out though, I couldn't help but break out into a great big grin! And by the end of the visit, I was close to tears at the thought of having to leave him. And I felt guilty, for being with Antares, but mostly for considering the prospect of being with anyone else. Emotionally.

So maybe it was an overwhelming sense of guilt, or too much leaving in one short week that when Antares called me that evening, and wanted to orally (as in phone sex) get-it-on, I was all too inclined to leave the emotionally wrecked me behind for a more...sexy version of myself.

Phone sex led me to throw out an invitation to come over. Why talk when we can do it? His answer was simple, he wasn't doing anything.

A short while later he was here. I locked the kitten in my room, threw a sweater over my head, and went out to meet him. We walked into my apartment without so much as saying anything to my roommate. That is, until Antares asked him, "Hey what's up?"

Mike simply rolled his eyes, and didn't say anything. Thankfully said kitten was loose, and an easy distraction.

All in all we were quiet, and asleep before Mike, whom then decided it was a good time to leave the living room he was so graciously inhabiting, and go to his room. Which happens to be directly next to mine.

It was a good night for talking too. I asked him personal questions such as whether he thought he and his wife would work things out. (They're seperated). He asked me personal questions about Jason, and about the secret stash of sex toys that I don't have.

And when morning came all too early, we did it again before quickly jumping into clothes and heading off to grab coffee before work. Of course coffee led us to get lost by UNC, but ultimately I arrived at work 10 minutes early.

And just when I thought I wouldn't hear from him again, I got a text.

"Are you as fkn tired as I am?"

I wasn't, after all my day was a non-stop go, until I sank down in that driver's seat. And then it hit me. I was tired. Really, really tired.

Movie Night...

Last night was a lot of fun. After some back and forth, Antares and I decided to have dinner and a movie at his place. He would make dinner, and I would bring the movie.

So I called Blockbuster for directions, and the guy told me, "Well you go up a little hill and down a big hill,"

"Are you past campus?" I asked impatiently.

THOSE directions finally got me there.

After much running around, and being stopped to give someone directions, Steve (aka the guy whom can't give directions), slapped "Walk the Line" into my hand.

"That was teamwork" he told me.

But wanting to fully contribute to movie night, I also hit the local grocery store for beer, and snacks (popcorn, sour patch kids, raisinets, etc).

All in all, the food was better than the beer (a first for me), and while I've seen the movie 4 times now, Antares, who's never seen it, only saw about 1/4 of it.

There was debate about whether or not I would be spending the night, but like he said. It was a lot for me to come home, and prepare kitten for the night, to drive to Raleigh, to drive back to Carrboro just to drive back to Raleigh.

The other interesting part was the next morning. I usually don't tend to stick around for the whole "good morning" breakfast b.s. But as it stood, we went to sleep so late, and he had to be at work so early that I didn't really have a choice.

It was surprisingly...good. The coffee was good. The early-morning conversation similar to the one we'd had in the exact same spot on his deck the evening before was good. So good that when he went inside to grab a shower, I stayed outside sipping my coffee, and taking in the lazy rising sun.

Of course the bedroom window being directly to my left, and slightly raised gave me an awesome view of him in a towel. And it was good too.

Without a Watch...

For having to work the late shift (12-8:30), we sure did get up early. I honestly think my grandparents were more geared up to get on their way than I was, and that in and of itself was shocking.

We went to the only diner relatively close to here with their bizarre dishes (none of them Southern, and some of them inappropriately named) and over-pricedness for breakfast.

We sat. We talked. We ate. And then we said goodbye.

They've been gone all of what? an hour? And suddenly I realize that my watch is missing.

I have searched the car. I've called the hotel where we stayed. I even drove up there only to find that the watch is not where I know I left it, by the sink.

My grandfather's voice keeps echoing in my head.

"Cheryl, get your watch". I knew I should've retrieved it then. But I didn't, and I'd forgotten.

I've called my grandparents as my grandmother always does a final walk-through to ensure that we haven't missed anything. "Did you happen to accidentally pick up my watch?" I ask all to hopefully. But they haven't.

And now, not only am I without a vital piece of work equipment (how will I do TPRs?), I am also without the watch my grandmother gave me for my birthday last year.

Surprise Visit

As it turned out, Antares and I were not able to meet up on Tuesday, despite my wanting to see him sooner as opposed to later. In fact, a surprise visit from my grandparents left me in quite a tizzy trying to rearrange plans, and SURPRISE! think of reasons why I might have a cat in the apartment.

Don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents, but I've always had them on a need-to-know basis. And while I'd like to think I do it out of love, the truth is that I do it out of self-preservation. I want my grandparents to like me. And I want them to agree with my decisions.

So after contemplating hauling her back-and-forth between work and here (a whopping 40 min each direction, which seems like a lifetime with a crying kitten), I ultimately decided upon the lie that I was "kitten-sitting" for someone at work.

All in all, for me, their visit was remarkably un-eventful, although I did get a bed, and a dresser out of the whole deal. (Apparently their entire reason for coming). That in adittion to the bookshelf, and dresser I bought myself make this place look like a real apartment.

Tonight is their last night, and as tradition is, I am spending the night in the hotel with them. I know there will be tears tomorrow as we drive off in seperate directions, but then life can return to normal. Including, my being a kitten-mother.

Looking Too Far...

Having to work yet-another weekend, I had off again today. So giving this information to Antares, whom normally can e-mail me all he wants during the work-day to no avail, was bound to inspire a lunch date. And inspire it did.

We have a really awesome mall (nothing compared to KOP) about 15 minutes from me. It's called Southpoint, and looks like a quaint little town with it's stores all being outside.

It also happens to have a movie theatre and a P.F. Chang's aka Fake Chinese food. It was here that we met for our lunch date--his idea.

I'm beginning to notice a pattern with Antares and our "meeting" locations. It always has excellent mood lighting.

We sat and talked, and I stared. A lot. He reminds me a lot of Joaquin Phoenix from "Walk The Line" whom I still find totally hot. And he's personable! And yet my mind has to ruin a perfectly good moment by screaming "Warning! Warning! Playing With Fire! About to get burned!

He did take me by complete surprise though when he said without thinking, "If you think I'm the whitest Mexican person (he's 1/2 white, 1/2 mexican) you've ever met, wait till you meet my mom!"

Eyes as wide as saucers people. Wide as saucers.

But it wasn't until we got outside that things got hot and heavy. He walked me to my car, and then leaned in for a kiss. And then grabbing a hold of my belt loops held onto me as he gazed into my bedroom eyes, blinded by the sun and asked, "So when you coming back to Raleigh?"

"When are you next available?" I asked.

"Oh, Tuesday or Wednesday I guess."

When he wouldn't play hookey with me, I headed home only to find an e-mail from him. It said, "blah, blah, blah I hope I'm not looking too far in advanced, but next week I'm available to see you Tuesday or Wednesday, and we can either stay in, or go out."

Nope, not looking too far in advanced at all...

Lots of Expletitives

Saturday I was supposed to meet Chris's mom and Amber at the prison for a nice little visit with Chris. So imagine my surprise when Chris called me Friday night to let me know not to come.

"We've been locked down all night," he explained. He continued to tell me that generally this happens when there's been a fight, and will blow over within the next day or so. "I just don't want you to waste a trip up here."

Apparently they had only let them out long enough to have a quick break--they weren't even allowed out to have dinner--instead it was delivered to them in their individual cells.

Chris was more perturbed than I was. According to him, it was ruining a perfectly good weekend-- the outside baseball team was coming in, they had planned a volleyball game in the gym, and of course a visit.

"I'll call you when they finally let us out," he had said.

Too bad that call didn't come till tonight, a full 4 days later, and consequently on a day that had no visits.

It seems like every time I make amends with this situation, the BOP finds a new way to me over.

The weirdest thing to happen to me this week...

I headed out to the local Walmart tonight in anticipation of bringing new kitty home. I needed all important things like a litter box, cat litter, and bowls in which to feed said-kitten. I didn't forget food, it just comes with her.

A man, perhaps a boy, given his young looks, stopped me in the parking lot, with my un-combed hair, and non-made-up face.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said.

I nodded, and leaned into him a bit as if he were mentally handicapped, and being closer would help me understand him.

"Are you in school?" he simply asked.

"No, not since I've been down here," I said. I added emphatically,"I'm from PA and I'm waiting to get residency. I moved down in May."

That launched him into a whole spiel about an all expense paid trip to Paris for two, and points and magazines. Had he had a magazine I was legitimately interested in, I would've bought one. As it turned out, I bought two and sent them to the local children's hospital. (Yes, I have sucker written across my forehead).

When we parted ways, he went to McDonalds, and I went for-kitten shopping. Before we departed though, I had told him about Chris, and he had said, "How do you date someone that you only get to see once a week?"

I gave my standard answer, "Well it's hard..."

"Well I didn't think it would be easy," he replied sarcastically.

He ended by telling me to call him when I was done, as he wanted to talk to me.

I took my time for-kitten shopping. And then I headed to the car, where I had left my phone.

I dialed, let it ring a few times, and hung up. Unfortunately for me, he called back.

We met outside of Walmart, walked and talked before deciding to hang out IN my car. He never really got around to telling me what he wanted to talk about, despite my asking. And I never really pinpointed his motives, to be perfectly honest.

Eventually, (i.e. about 15 min later), I told him I needed to get going, and he exited my car, and I left.

But damn if that wasn't the weirdest thing to happen to me this week!

Chick Flick

I've been e-mailing back and forth with this articulate guy, Antares, for quite some time now.

While I wouldn't say we've talked about everything, we have covered a variety of topics, and I greatly enjoy talking to him.

So perhaps it was all the dates I've been on recently, that left me confused as to a lot of the details when we met up today.

We agreed to meet in Raleigh, at a brewery (i.e. makes their own beer) located in an industrial park. I seriously drove by it twice before realizing exactly where our destination was supposed to be.

As I sat in the parking lot, waiting for him, and reading my book, I took notice to several people approaching the bar only to leave again. I had the feeling that the bar was going to be closed when Antares got there, but felt no source of angst whatsoever.

Normally, this is where the story would turn bad. But as I realized I had never seen a picture of Antares, as he approached me I was surprisingly...attracted to him.

Finding the bar was closed, we decided to head to downtown Raleigh, where I've been so many times before, and parking on a little side-street, we headed around the corner to a nice-sized bar and restaurant. We sat at a table, way in the back with no one around us and the softest of lighting. As the evening turned into night we drank and talked until we were too full to do anything but walk.

I must say that I could have chosen better shoes for the occassion as we decided to try and walk what would end up being a great deal of distance to find a rose garden. (You can google Rose Garden in Raleigh and click images to see what I'm talking about).

About 1/2 way to what we thought would be our destination, we sat down at a table outside of a closed pizza restaurant to allow me to rest my tired feet before we continued on. The conversation never halted, always changing and flowing naturally.

When we decided to continue on a bit, with me alternating between carrying my shoes and wearing them, we finally stopped at a store front where some freshmen were cleaning off a store front window, decorated for the season's game. They told us that unfortunately they had no idea where the rose garden was, but they thought it was the opposite way of where we were going.

We walked a couple of more blocks only to finally give up and head back, arm-in-arm to the car.

We stopped at one of the only benches about 1/2 way back to again allow me to rest my feet. Still, the conversation never ceased until it ended in one of the most delicate, and passionate kisses I have ever received.

I thanked him for the kiss as he gently pushed a stray hair away from my face. I explained that until that moment, I had no idea if his interest in me was strictly platonic, or something more. He smiled and reaffirmed things with another kiss.

When we got back to the car, I assumed the evening was over, and we were soon back at our original meeting location.

It was then he told me that he hadn't intended for the evening to end just yet. So we sat. And we talked.

The evening finally came to a close when 3 police cars rolled by, and we decided not to press our luck. Plus it was 1 a.m. and we both had to work the next day.

All in all, I'd say it was the eqivalent of a relationship in a good chick flick.

Haunted House...

Last night I put an ad on Craigslist looking for someone that wanted to go to a Haunted House with me tonight. I received a lot of responses over the course of last night, and today, and just when I had given up hope of finding someone, I got an e-mail from Anthony.

We quickly corresponded back and forth before deciding to meet in Raleigh and drive to Clayton (about 15 min) from there.

What we found when we got to Johnston County was a small farming community that was as scary, if not scarier than the haunted house itself.

There were to be six (6) main attractions. The Slaughter House aka the first house we went into was really good. The bad part was that it conditioned you for what was to come next in the other haunted houses.

In the one a girl approached me and asked, "Do you wanna play a game?"

Sarcastically I replied, "You don't like the games I do."

"I don't know what kind of games you like," she countered.

"Hey weren't you in that movie...." I said.

She stared blankly at me not sure what to say.

"Do you wanna play a game?"

Thankfully we were soon away from her.

They also had a school house which was nicely done. The head-master at the front desk was a spitting image of the head-master from Matilda, and of course there was all the basic subjects. (Science, Anatomy, the cafeteria....)

There was a corn maze which left a lot to be desired.

Our second favorite attraction was the 3-d tunnel of darkness. You know it's not moving, but after being in there for a few minutes, you tend to think it is.

Our final favorite was being chased by chainsaws through what was known as "A Walk In the Dark."

All in all it was a 2/5.

Fun, but would have been funer with a straight guy. As Chris would say, "Ever done it in a haunted house?"

Psycho Sixty Year Olds

After a series of bad dates, I should know better. I should know to keep my details straight, and to always, always ask for a photo. Then, at least, I know what I'm getting into.

I met Danny much the same way I met my other prospects. His ad was simply put, he's lonely and looking for a friend. After my first e-mail he simply e-mails me back with two questions, one I forget, and the other asking if I have an Electra complex.

No to both, I reply.

We begin talking and he confides in me. Tells me that he has a sick loved one, and that he's quit drinking. I kind of dislike being around people with addictions. After all, it makes it such an egg-shell sort of topic. And I happen to like to drink.

Realizing what it's like to have a loved-one in the hospital, I suggested we meet for coffee. "Dude, you need to get out of the house!"

We agreed on a mutual location in Durham--a Starbucks. We talked on the phone beforehand. He called me as I pulled into the parking lot. But nothing he said ever tipped me off to what I would see.

There was an older gentleman, probably someone my dad's age sitting outside under the light. He looked like a more human version of Freddy Crueger. For someone so young, he sure did look old.

Trying to relax myself, and alleviate my fears, I dialed Danny's number and watched in horror as the man sitting outside picked up his ringing phone as the phone in my hand started to ring.

Not wanting to expose myself, I got out of my car, walked inside, ordered my coffee, and left him there. I even made sure to meet his gaze and give a kind half-smile, the same as I'd do to anyone else as to not draw attention to myself.

He tried calling me several more times. I didn't answer. He didn't leave a message. When I got home an e-mail in my inbox from MySpace read, "Message from Danny". Oh, shit I said.

It turns out Danny is a 60 year old man. Too bad I was expecting someone half of his age. And he has a Myspace page!

He wrote me a "WTF" e-mail. I read it, and hit delete. He proceeded to phone me again and this time to leave a message that started off saying, "I don't know what kind of game you're trying to play." I certainly didn't hang around to hear the rest.

I want to say it ended with that phone call, but it didn't. And it left me feeling shaken. Never before has my rejection left someone that old, that bitter before. After all, rejection is part of life. And really, when you're 60, isn't everyone around you dropping like flies?

He called me one more time, the next day. This time he didn't leave a message, and I seriously considered calling the police. But what could I say? I broke the heart of a 60-year old psycho that I've never met?

Thankfully it never came to that, but the truth is that psychos don't get well, they just get older.